Kimberly Shaw went to be with God at 7:50 a.m. today.

She was such a blessing to her family and friends and everyone that met her. She put up one heck of a fight and her big personality will truly be missed by so many. Even though we were not quite ready to let her go, she is happy and in no pain.

We love you Kimmy.

"God Saw You"

God saw you getting tired

and a cure was not to be,

So He put His arms around you

and whispered, "Come to me."

With tearful eyes we watched you,

and saw you pass away,

And though we love you dearly,

we could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,

hard working hands were put to rest.

God broke our hearts to prove to us,

He only takes the best.

Rest and be in peace now Kim.

ONCOR, my brother Jay's company, held a Fundraiser for Kim today! Much success it raised close to $3,000.00 dollars in just TWO Hours! Thank you ONCOR family for putting on this event for Kim; our family appreciates it more than you will ever know! Continue the Prayers!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL! - The Shaw Family!

Kim continues to fight her fight as a only a true Shaw woman can! MD Anderson has informed Kim they will not be treating her anymore due to the tumors are getting larger. Kim is running out of options fighting this terrible disease. These are very tough times for my family and prayers are a must. My brother Jay, Kim's dad, has opened a 'special' account at his local bank to help with funds. Funds like food, travel expenses, medical bills, also, she needs a dependable car to do the simple things to take care of her and her son. He is 13 months old now and such a handsome man. He is the reason she is not giving up, hence the 'fight for Barre' slogan in her life. Kim knows God will take her where He feels she needs to be, she will continue to fight like crazy to stay here on Earth for her son. I really don't know what else to say, but I do thank you all for your prayers and what you have done.

God Bless you all,

February 24, 2010

Barre with mommy's aviators on! (9 months old)

Barrett enjoying some bananas on his tray; one of his favs!


Barrett can pull up on everything now, and he walks all along the side of his crib! ( 10 months old )

Houston trip to MD Anderson was pretty successful. I got to Houston around late Sunday afternoon. Me and my daddy stayed with his cousin, Sherry and her family. They were so inviting and opened up their doors to us! What a wonderful, loving, sweet bunch!! We (me, my dad, and his cousin Sherry) got up around 4am (wasn't too bad but definately could have slept til noon easily!) Monday morning, got ready, and headed to the Med Center. We found where we needed to be easily, thanks to Sherry :), and I got registered and then shortly after I got called back. They began with vitals and several questions. Then the doctor examined me and asked questions and I asked questions. He told me he felt no vaginal tumors (which I was told were there by a different medical professional about 4 weeks previously). Praise the Lord!! Afterwards they called my dad in to discuss what's next. Dr. Coleman, such a neat guy, preceeded to tell us that the pathology lab at MD Anderson believes my cancer is indeed small cell and rare and neuroectocrine. Whereas the orinal pathology labs who reviewed and diagnosed after the very first biopsy believes it is neuroendocrine. MD Anderson is going to continually review and study the slides of my original biopsy to determine which kind it actually is. I've been told there's a very fine line of difference between the two; very difficult to distinguish the difference. Either way there's a treatment plan for either! I have to go back next week for a PET scan. Thank you my Lord, my Savior, my Healer! Both of them involve chemotherapy and will have to be done at MD Anderson. But Praise God, there is hope! FAITH!

It was a great visit but I definately missed my Barrett boy! So good to be back home with B! I was so glad my daddy came with me to Houston!! I'm going to get my aunt Aprile to post some pics of Barrett. My computer won't let me for some reason.. Well God Bless you all! Love you!

February 20, 2010

Barre's first thooth around 3 months ago, he's showing it off!

Cowboy Barrett (8 months old)

Precious!

B looking handsome in his Polo outfit

2 days til we go to MD Anderson. I am looking forward to it, but nervous all at the same time. We have hotel reservations, ready to leave town mentally, but still have all the packing and laundry to do, fun fun! LOL.. Me, my mom, and Barrett are leaving to go to Houston on Sunday that way we can get settled in and know exactly where we are going before 7am on Monday. My daddy is going too; he's going to meet up with us in Houston..I'm so excited he is coming! Something about my dad gives me comfort :) He is amazing and I love how close we've gotten!! People may be wondering how I am doing. Well, I have my moments where I do feel scared, nervous, or even worried. It's okay to have those feelings as long as I get in check with them and give them to the Lord. He will take care of us. This brings me to something I want to share with everyone. About a month ago I had a few friends come by the house and we had a GREAT visit. We talked about family, friends, babies, work, you name it, and the all-loving God. It was such a life-changing visit. I decided that night that I want my heart to be filled with the Lord, live for Him the best I can, and learn all I can about the Bible and scriptures and His love and His works, so much more! I am not saying this to boast or to say anyone else needs to do the same. I am just proud to be getting to know Him and feel His love and want to share this with others. He blesses all of us everyday. Blessed be the Lord!
A few weeks ago we had my first benefit. It was a dance with my friend Jarrett Shaub and the Vagabonds playing music and let me tell you it was AWESOME! So many people came and I was humbled by how many people do care and the love they all have. It was a neat experience that I will never forget! I want to thank everyone who was able to go; it means so very much to me! I also want to thank one of my best friends Breane who has been helping out alot with raising money to help cover travel expenses, medical costs, and all that comes with that. She has been a tremendous help and I love her so much! Thank you to one of my moms best friends, Diane, for putting the benefit together! You, at Badger Tracks (a place I had make me, my mom, my dad, and Barrett cancer support t-shirts) thank you so very much! You made my day and I had to tell several people what a kind, supporting thing you did for us! It has truly opened my eyes seeing how many of you are coming forth and showing me and my family how much you all care for us. It touches my heart in a way I can not explain.
On a different note, Barrett is a few days shy from 10 months old!! Time has flown!! I remember when I could easily hold him with one HAND! For those of you who dont know he was 3lbs. 11 oz. when he was born! He is getting so big and cuter everyday! I seriously feel he is the cutest lil boy ever LOL..He has 5 teeth and the 6th one is about to pop through. He's already had his first dentist appointment and did wonderful for them! He manuevers around so good, but not by crawling exactly. Hahaha..he scoots, slides, turns, rolls, however he can to get where he wants. Within the last few days he's started pulling up on things but he thinks he can let go and nothing will happen. Wrong! He falls and then of course cries! One of his favorite things to do is stroll around in his walker eating cheerios! He's started opening up cabinets and drawers..ut oh! So when we tell him no and move his hand, oh man this does not make him a happy camper! He fusses and screams and cries! Bed time or nap time is somewhat of a chore now days..he fights it with all his might, afraid he'll miss something. His new thing he does is shakes his head no! He does that several times a day..It's hilarious! He's started saying a few words.. He's said Mama, Dada, baw-baw (bottle), bye-bye, hi, and bite. His little smiles now with all those teeth melts my heart! He is so precious! A blessing for sure!
Well that's it for tonight I need to get to bed. Barrett should be getting up soon for a bottle. I love you all so much! God Bless you!

Scott & White has done all they can, so Kim has a consultation with MD Anderson in Houston February 22nd. She is one of the bravest people I know and is fighting like a true Shaw woman! You are my hero Kim!!!

The most important part of Kim's fight is how she never has given up! She took the news from her DR. at Scott and White with grace and decided to keep fighting and now we are all headed to Houston as many times as we need too!

Continue the prayers and love, we feel them and we believe in the power of prayer and faith!
Please check out the GiveForward.com -- look for Fight For Barre fundraiser. All donations are going towards her travel expenses to MD Anderson and medical cost, it is really needed at this time.

We LOVE you all!

Kim is doing her final round of chemo this week, then we will see what test show and the doctors will decide from there what our next step will be! The chemo appears to not be working as well as her doctor at Scott & White had hoped, so we will see what steps we will need to take next. Continue to pray for Kim, she has been really fighting hard and still has a lot of fight in her. Although we all tell her all the time how strong she is, her strength goes beyond anything any of us could imagine. I always remember she is a 24 year old with a baby boy that is fighting for her life, she is my hero for keeping her head up high! Keep God first and lean on HIM! SO many LOVE you ~

YEAH!!! Barre went home today!

Kim finished another round of chemo last week which has made her very tired and nauseous. Now Barrett had to be put in the hospital at Scott & White on Saturday for RSV. I thought he would be home by now but he has a real serious case of this. He is on oxygen, IV’s and breathing treatments; it is affecting his breathing. Anyone that has had or knows how chemo works, Kim is extremely tired and nose bleeds have started as well this round. But with Barrett sick she isn’t getting the rest she needs or eating like she should be.

The Ronald McDonald House did give them a room last night so now Kim and her mom are taking turns staying up at the hospital with Barrett as one is sleeping across the street at the RM House. My brother has left and I am looking to do so as well, we all thought he would be fine by now.

Pray for Barrett to regain his strength and to get over this virus. Pray as well for Kim to regain her strength from the chemo and strength emotionally to get through helping her son get better. Pray for our family so we can all pull together to help her and Barrett!

December 26, 2009

Barrett and I had a great first Christmas together! We spent it with a few of my grandparents, my mother, sister Shelby, and Barrett's daddy Matt. Barrett fell asleep after we only opened a few of his gifts. I thought about leaving them for him for when he woke up from his nap but I decided to open all the rest..I couldnt wait :) He wasnt all that interested in it this year. He got a really cute camo outfit and ofcourse I put it on him..so pictures to come later! Kind of glad Christmas is over, but I am kind of down about it too if that makes sense.

Well today I'm having a hard time emotionally. I feel anger, frustration, bitterness, and I'm finding I have less and less patience. I cant do a thing without my pelvic area being in alot of pain, aching bones all over, and I'm having some symptoms that I had before being diagnosed pop up lately, my bladder hurts everytime I go to the restroom(been treated for a UTI twice and it wont go away), tummy cramps up bad from almost everything I eat. That's another issue..eating. I have a hard time doing it. I just dont feel like it, and when I do its a very small amount. I know I need to, I have to but it's hard when you have no desire. I cried over my bowl of cereal this morning. I didnt want to eat it but had to force myself. I really dont know why it's such an issue. I get on the scale, 25 pounds lost so far, and am disgusted. I've become so weak, so fragile feeling, so small. It's just not healthy looking at all. I've talked to the doctors a little bit about it and they say just push food and milkshakes. I cant push food. I drink milk products and I'm throwing up a little all day from one milkshake(I'm lactose intolerant). This is so hard for me because before my life got turned upside down I was crazy for food. I would eat and eat and eat. And LOVED it! Now, I do know there are lots of people who have it worse, according to health. But I cant help but be upset, frustrated, scared, angry, in constant pain, and so very worried.

Think positive. That's something I hear alot. And at times I do. You try to walk in these shoes and then tell yourself "just be positive, it's half the battle". Way easier said than done. There's 1 person I know, by experience, she can relate. She doesnt tell me that, because she knows.

Another issue is my relationships. Seems alot are struggling. People just dont know how to act towards me I guess. And I dont know exactlty how to act either. A few people I have taken anger out on and I am so very sorry for that. I wish I hadnt, but I did, and I'm not proud. One person close to me thinks I should be handling all this different than I am. How does she know how someone should be handling having this terrible disease? My friends dont call much anymore or even come by much. One friend has come by several times and I'm so thankful for that. I do realize everyone has their own lives and things going on in them, but what people dont seem to understand is I love company. No not always, but in some weird way it helps me find some more strength that I wasnt sure was still there.

So far, I have not lost my hair again with this treatment (chemo called Topotecan). I have to admit everyday throughout the day I pull on it to see if it's falling out. I hope I dont lose it because my hair has grown out alot since becoming bald. But as I've told a few people, if I do lose it, I've lost it before so I can handle losing it again. I was originally scheduled to start my second treatment of this chemo the week after Christmas, starting this Monday, but the doctors and nurse wanted me to enjoy the holidays without chemo. So, I will start my second round on January 4th. I always get treatment alone; 3 times since May I've had someone sit with me. I must say it's pretty lonely. I look around the treatment room at everyone and almost every time it's people above 50 years old. It breaks my heart that I cant relate to any of these people. Some of them have someone with them everytime to support them and be by their side. I wish I did too. It's lonely sitting there in that green chair with poison running through my port into my body. I know it's what I need to do to, I pray, have more years on my life. Barrett needs his mommy just as much as I need him.

I want all of you to tell your babies today that you love them. Cuddle them, read them a book, and count your blessings. I'm so thankful for all of your thoughts and especially prayers. I hope all of you had a wonderful, blessed Christmas. Love you all!

December 21, 2009

It's been a while since I've been able to get on a computer and post! I have been doing okay..some days I dont think much about having cancer, other days it's all I think about. Alot of days like that I'm not very nice to be around..very snappy and short and rude. Needless to say all this has made it very difficult for my relationships. I feel like I'm on edge and stressed alot. I cant do normal things completely anymore, I get way too tired quick. I went Christmas shopping a few days back and got pooped out after 2 stores! I used to like to shop for hours!! :) I ordered Barrett an ornament for Baby's first Christmas and it turned out so cute! I've included a pic so hopefully you can read it, it's from my cell. Barrett is doing good! He's around 18 lbs. and I'm not sure how long he is but he seems tall to me with big feet!! He cut his first tooth a few weeks ago, front left bottom! I love seeing it when he smiles it's too cute!! He laughs all the time! Here lately though he's become this fussy whiny boy that he never was before. It makes it kinda difficult because he's never been the cranky type, but I'm thinking maybe it's just because he's cutting teeth. He's also sitting up! He still falls over after a lil while but he's got the hang of it and can catch himself alot of the time. He's not crawling yet but soon! He's such a cuddler :)

Well I had my first round of treatment for this go round on December 7th-11th. The first night was so rough. I couldnt sleep and felt very sick. I ended up throwing up several times and finally going to sleep at around 6:30am. The following days werent very bad. I felt pretty sick and didnt eat much and my energy level is very low. It's still low and I'm still not eating much at all. I try it's just very hard to eat when you dont want to or I would rather sleep. It's crazy because before I got diagnosed and even before I was pregnant everyone knows I liked, no loved, to eat!! Oh my, I could put back some food!! I had a friend who asked me where I put it all! LOL..I hope to get that appetite back! I have lost 20 pounds and continue to lose and it's very unhealthy looking and I just feel weak.

The emotional aspect of all this is I would say the hardest. It's especially hard thinking about my disease while watching my baby play or smile and laugh at me. It breaks my heart because I pray I get to raise him and watch him grow into a man for many of years! I sometimes feel like my mind is going crazy trying to completely grasp what's going on. Sometimes it's like an outer body experience, or that it's happening to someone else not me. Even though I am reminded everyday that it is infact me. I get mad and angry and do think why me. I think that's only natural. I dont exactly wonder why not someone else, but I do wonder why someone who wants so much to be a mom and to provide for my son. What about those women who abandon their child(ren). No I dont think they deserve this, no one does. But I just wonder sometimes..I can have strength some days that the good Lord gave me and others I can cry at a cancer commercial. I do believe the tears and pain and anger and strength and love is what is keeping me sane. All of it is part of the dealing with a traumatic experience thing, in my opinion. I'm sad that I have to go through all this and miss some of Barrett being an infant or not get to enjoy like a healthy mom can. But I am trying to fight with everything so I can see so much more of him! I do get frustrated, upset, stressed out, lose my patience, but he is the greatest thing to happen to me. I truly am blessed. Thank you to everyone who is still supporting me, whether it be near or from a far. Everyone's thoughts, prayers, and help is so greatly appreciated. I will tell you before I was diagnosed I really had no idea how many people love and care. I love all of you! Thanks for continuing in my battle with me. My strength comes from all of you, Barrett, family, and the great Lord. So remember when you are losing faith, stressing, or your heart is hurting, turn to Him. He will never forsake you. I hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas!

Kim starts her chemo this Monday, December 7th, it will last around 30-60 minutes everyday through Friday, December 11th. Then she will have three weeks off then a week of chemo, three weeks off on so forth. This will be a good routine for her and she shouldn't get too sick we hope!

The doctors took two nymph nodes and one came back no cancer and the other came back cancerous. Dr. Capen has decided to add a new doctor to that specializes in small cell cancer to help out. Although Dr. Capen is still her doctor for her pelvic exams she now has a new Doctor that has joined her team. He is a specialist in small cell cancer and will be in charge of her treatments and meds that is needed to hopefully keep her cancer from spreading to any organs. This new Doctor was very blunt with Kim about treatments and if it should ever spread to any organs. Kim being so young we feel will help her fight this type of cancer.

Prayers and comments of encouragement are welcomed and all the support is what will help her continue this fight! WE appreciate all the prayers thus far! Love you all -

Pathology reports came in and the news was not what any of us expected...tests shows that the cancer is in the lymph nodes. Chemo starts in December a few weeks before Christmas. Doctor told Kim he is not sure if the chemo will work. As my brother says, The Doctors "upbeatness" last week was premature.

Continue to pray for Kim as she starts up her battle once again to fight this cancer...

Please check out the web page/fund my bother has set up for Kim! The funds raised will go towards her medical bills. Since she is unable to work at this time the funds donated will help tremendously! ANY amount will help and adds up...Check it out! We appreciate it!www.giveforward.org/fightforbarre

Surgery went well the cancer did NOT spread! We will know more specifics after the pathology report as far as if she will have to do any chemo. Doctors did tell my brother that Kim will always have to battle this type of cancer...but for now we will take this time to be thankful that it hasn't spread and Kim may get a little break from treatments!!! Thank you for all the prayers and support! Continue to pray for Kim and our family! Love you all!

Today Kim is at Scott and White having her hysterectomy. Please keep her and her doctors in your prayers and that we have good results...will keep you all informed as the week goes by and we get results. Thanks for all your prayers, support and love!

Kim had her pet scan on Monday and her results came in yesterday, October 27, 2009. The scan showed that her tumor is small and she does have cancer in her pelvic lymph nodes. On November 9, 2009 she will have a hysterectomy to remove the tumor and lymph nodes as well. WE are still not sure if the cancer has spread to any organs but the surgery should help us find this out. After the surgery she will start chemo again. We all have enjoyed the break from all treatments and Kim's hair even started to grow again! Although the surgery and starting up chemo again is a let down to Kim, we are very proud of her strength to get back up and prepare to continue her fight.

Barre is growing fast and smiles all the time, he is such a CHARMER! He lights up when he sees Kim and she lights up when she is with him...

Keep Kim and our family in your prayers as we support Kim and as Kim continues to
FIGHT FOR BARRE

Oct 15, 2009

Kim has had a few weeks off of any and all treatments which is nice since this means she is not getting sick! She went in to see her Radiologist few weeks ago and he found a mass, he felt that it could be from the radiation but wanted to make sure and sent her to Dr. Kapan, her Oncologist. Dr. Kapan decided to biopsy the tissue and the results came back that there is cancer cells in the tissue. Today Kim had a cat-scan to see what is going on so the Doctors can decide what the next plan of attack will be with her treatment.

Continue to pray for her strength to continue to fight and for a cure, I believe that Kim can be the percentage that does survive this type of cancer. Barre is growing everyday and he continues to be her inspiration...FIGHT FOR BARRE KIM!

We are all so proud of you and are all behind you, just take some of our strength when you need it, WE LOVE YOU!

September 23, 2009

I just went through almost all of the posts before this one and lots of the comments..wow, how it touches my heart how many people care and are supporting me and Barre. I really do read all the comments you all post. I am going to try to do better at posting.
Well, I am sick with an upper respiratory infection, feelin pretty crappy. But I'm on an antibiotic so I should start feelin better within a day or two. Just hope lil Barre doesnt get it! He is so precious! Yesterday he turned 5 months old!! He's about 14 1/2 lbs or maybe even 15. I do that stand on the scale with and then without him way of getting his weight LOL..it's actually pretty accurate within a few ounces. When I saw his pics from way earlier posts, I am wowed how much he's grown and changed! He is scooting around the floor in a circle and making all kind of new baby babbles. It's so funny, when he's eating his cereal sometimes he makes this noise like "mmm, mmm, mmm"..so cute! He did that alot tonight! Still working with him on sitting up..he's doin a pretty good job, just not on his own yet. I cant wait for us to get to go visit family in October! He will love it I'm sure! Sometimes I'm excited for the new stuff he's doing but at other times it's like, slow down dont grow up too fast! LOL..I love him so very much! He already has some nicknames he may not be too fond of later but we love them..Barre-man, Barre-cakes, Barre, Barrett Parrott, B, Barrett Jay said real fast :) Well I'm gonna go get some rest. Hope you all are in good health and doing well! Oh and Wendi, I am so excited you found me on here, how ironic..I would love to have your email address or something so I can chat with you. I am so blessed for the support me and Barrett get from all you guys. Lots of love!

September 20, 2009

UT fan in training

I know I havent posted in a while. I've been enjoying Barrett and kinda busy. I'm trying to enjoy everything while I have a break. Sometimes it's hard to when I get down. But right now I am not doing any treatment. The last radiation treatment was over a week ago, and now I'm just waiting on the nurse to call me to let me know when my MRI of my head will be this week. And then in about 3 weeks I will have a CT scan of my body to see if the cancer is gone or if it has spread.
Barrett is getting big! weighs about 14 1/2 lbs! He is almost rolling over and learning to sit up. We had a good weekend this past weekend with his G-Pa, Aunts Crystal and Alyssa and cousins Collin and Carson. Barrett really enjoyed the happiness and fun they brought! And so did I! Well just wanted to give a little update. Thanks for the continued prayers and love and support! Love yall!